Me, Mia.


August 11, 2008, 2:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I actually think I’m having a panic attack. I haven’t had one since 2004 – in my first few days overseas. I came from New Zealand to Germany and remember the whole thing being one big sensory overload… get out of the plane, meet my friends I hardly knew, jumped into a car which drove on the wrong side of the road, really close to trams, past buildings with bullet holes in them, to an apartment. I remember the dizzy not quite feeling on earth feeling. The panic attack ( I keep writing attach instead of attack) came a few days later when I was in the mall… all of a sudden so dizzy and couldn’t breathe… it actually hasn’t been classified as a panic attach – aaa attack – but I don’t know what else to put it down as. I rushed to the pharmacy to get an inhaler as I thought it could be asthma… the girl at the shop wouldn’t give me one as I had no prescription so I panicked saying I couldn’t breathe and she gave in. Didn’t help, obviously, as it wasn’t asthma. Anyway I remember the feeling like it was yesterday (the choking, raised heartbeat) and just 5 minutes ago was going through the same thing. Seems to be easing off slightly now, so don’t worry, I probably won’t die while writing this – did I just hear you all sigh with relief? Started thinking it might have something to do with all of the pain killers I’ve taken over the last few days – toothache you see – nothing was working, I’ve heard people talking about toothache being a dibilitating pain before but had no idea just how debilitating (one of those is spelt right) it was. I’m going in for a root canal next week – wicked.

Anyway, panic attacks. How horrible are they? I think it might be linked to my fear of chocking. God don’t I sound like someone with OCD (something my mother has and I will write about at some point). I think I have a fear of my throat closing up all on its own, so when a panic attacks a brewing, I think I let myself get all wound up and think that its going to be the end. Just now I was close to telling someone to call the ambulance. Perhaps I’m a little dramatic?

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