Me, Mia.

Just a Tuesday afternoon at 5.10pm
August 19, 2008, 4:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ergffff. Well I’m a funny mix of emotion today. No real feeling at all to be honest .just sitting, being, not happy or sad – I was numb earlier though, thanks to the first part of a 2 part root canal. So I got to work late, read emails had a bowl of cereal and yoghurt for lunch (I’m on a diet) did little else. Bored, no emotion. Now I’m at the ever familiar 5.10pm – waiting for the last 20 minutes to kill me or hurry up and pass me by. I always hate to think how much of my life I waste away wishing it faster. I wrote something when I was 21, about always looking forward to Friday and never to Monday, I remember wondering if that would ever change. I’m 26 and a half now and can’t say once in the last 5 and a half years have I NOT looked forward to a Friday, and I know I’ve never looked forward to a Monday. Perhaps when I get out of the rat race and into owning the café I’m constantly thinking of and designing in my mind, things might be different. Then, I assume, I’ll long for the days of no stress/worry/responsibility. And probably a larger paycheck. I think I’m just one of those people who’s waiting for the next thing to happen. I think a lot of good things have happened to me (if I sit and draw out what I’ve done over the last 4 years, its definitely eventful) but I’m never just content. And I don’t think you ever are. Apparently through meditation – one can become more content with the here and now but I think I’d be even more bored if I meditated, and I know I wouldn’t do it right.


So what’s the answer? Yep, there isn’t one. And I have to be content with that. So now it’s 5.14pm and I only have 16 minutes to go.


I like how I write these and don’t read them through and then press ‘post’ no editing, no stress. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, luxury.

Gay Lyrics
August 14, 2008, 4:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

My friend said Angels and Airwaves had gay lyrics, I said I could write gay’er lyrics – I think I proved him right

Oh yeah… yeah yeah yeah
I got 20 minites to go man,
Yeah 20 minutes to go
I got a one way ticket on the train to go home
I got 20 minutes, to go


 I see you sitting at your computer
Looking about as bored as me
Well you aint coz you can’t be coz I’m so bored I’m drinking tea


I’m drinking tea yea yea yeah yeah yeah
I’m drinking teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yeah
I’m drinking a cup of almost cold tea
Anywhere else I’d rather beeeeeeeeeeeeee


And if you wanna know something
Yeah something really strange
The teas got little floaty bits, yeah
Somethings gotta change


I don’t even like tea I’ve just got nothing to do
Nothing and noone to do, oh yeaaaaaa
I got a big fat cup of cold crap tea
And I’m not gonna give it up, no


Coz it’s the best thing I got going
The best thing of the day
The day I spent doing nothing
But drinking tea, I say!



August 14, 2008, 4:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I want to somehow use this little thing I thought up this morning that was really clever but I don’t know what kind of sentence I can put it in… it’s ‘credit, crunch’. I thought I could say ‘I’m lacking credit, crunch’ but when I put it on paper it didn’t have the same intelligent ring to it as when I was walking to work. Other things I thought about on the way to work this morning include: London is completely being re-constructed & how funny it was that even though someone in a shop is frantically busy with a huge customer que, they will still stop and answer the ringing phone. I’m thinking about standing outside shops at their busy periods and phoning them asking stupid questions… now what stupid questions could I ask… ‘How many people are in the que?’ ‘Why did you answer the phone?’ No, that last one is NOT a stupid question.

So then I got to work, all hot and bothered because I thought today was the agency all meeting at 9am – which it wasn’t. Then I settle down to a nice cup of coffee and fuck all to do. So I looked up how to poach an egg properly – you know the nice eggs you get when you eat out for breakfast and they’re not all flat, but in a cute little bundle .. and when poked with a fork the yolk beautifully spills out all over the buttered toast… mmmmmm I found out how to do it as well… This guy, Matt, has is sussed he also wrote back a lot to people that had written comments on his blog. Then I got a little upset because noones made any comments on my blog. Is it because it’s not very interesting? Or maybe no-ones seen it yet… Undiscovered.

I can’t remember any more of my interesting thoughts today. My friend asked me to think of a name for a website he’s considering starting that is a travellers network – what you do is log on, find people who are travelling in the same area at the same time, and maybe hook up and go on a road trip. I thought travellers unite was a good one.

Righto… 25 minutes to go, can’t wait to go shopping, All Saints has some wicked stuff at the moment. Good luck poaching eggs if that’s what you’re up to tonight.

August 11, 2008, 2:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I actually think I’m having a panic attack. I haven’t had one since 2004 – in my first few days overseas. I came from New Zealand to Germany and remember the whole thing being one big sensory overload… get out of the plane, meet my friends I hardly knew, jumped into a car which drove on the wrong side of the road, really close to trams, past buildings with bullet holes in them, to an apartment. I remember the dizzy not quite feeling on earth feeling. The panic attack ( I keep writing attach instead of attack) came a few days later when I was in the mall… all of a sudden so dizzy and couldn’t breathe… it actually hasn’t been classified as a panic attach – aaa attack – but I don’t know what else to put it down as. I rushed to the pharmacy to get an inhaler as I thought it could be asthma… the girl at the shop wouldn’t give me one as I had no prescription so I panicked saying I couldn’t breathe and she gave in. Didn’t help, obviously, as it wasn’t asthma. Anyway I remember the feeling like it was yesterday (the choking, raised heartbeat) and just 5 minutes ago was going through the same thing. Seems to be easing off slightly now, so don’t worry, I probably won’t die while writing this – did I just hear you all sigh with relief? Started thinking it might have something to do with all of the pain killers I’ve taken over the last few days – toothache you see – nothing was working, I’ve heard people talking about toothache being a dibilitating pain before but had no idea just how debilitating (one of those is spelt right) it was. I’m going in for a root canal next week – wicked.

Anyway, panic attacks. How horrible are they? I think it might be linked to my fear of chocking. God don’t I sound like someone with OCD (something my mother has and I will write about at some point). I think I have a fear of my throat closing up all on its own, so when a panic attacks a brewing, I think I let myself get all wound up and think that its going to be the end. Just now I was close to telling someone to call the ambulance. Perhaps I’m a little dramatic?